Image: © Manchester Museum, The University of Manchester
“But you have to believe.”
We are standing in her kitchen
In front of the stove.
That urgency in my grandmother’s voice
soft, yet desperate?
Catches me off guard for a moment.
As though my certainty shook her own.
Such comfort in conviction.
Such conviction in me a comfort
loosened
I almost loathed myself.
as though I were
questioning her unquestioning faith
I felt I owed her more.
And yet,
I could never lie to her.
But you have to believe.
As if there was no choice.
The chocolate-coloured carpet tiles stare back at me.
They know.
That belief was squeezed out of me,
By
curiosity
crisis
critique
choice.
You should not question
in a land where questions of, on belief
can get you killed.
____
Laura Mills (she/her) is an academic in the University of St Andrews School of International Relations. Her creative work has received multiple awards, with her poetry appearing/forthcoming in publications such as Aimsir, Anodyne Magazine, Last Stanza Poetry Journal, Needle Poetry, Survive and Thrive, Amaranth Journal, The Candid Review, Inter-View, and Stony Thursday Poetry Book, and featured as best practice in the Gregynog Ideas Lab. Originally from Northern Ireland, she now lives in Scotland.