Life Modelling
It was also amazing just going
out there, because it was quite far out,
and you just go in and have to get
naked and into all these
positions
and something that feels OK at first,
even comfortable to begin
with – it’s kind of yogic because you
have to hold these positions,
hour or so
half an hour or so – and something OK
to start off with becomes terribly
painful, you end up with one bit of
body shaking helplessly.
You twisted
it was people around you three hundred
and sixty degrees, you had and give,
to try and give everyone something
to draw and I’d go too far,
so too much
stress my torso too much to curve it, rolls
of fat, give both sides of the room one
breast, it’s surprisingly hard to come
up with a real killer pose
on demand
They had tea half way through, so you’d get down.
Chat to them. I mean it was so nice
being drawn, just having all these eyes,
literally not being
able to
move a muscle or ruin the picture.
It was so lovely feeling these eyes
scrutinising you impartially
not your body as a whole
in the act
of drawing itself, not attractiveness
or beauty in that act but your shapes
as releasingly neutral problems
of just shapes, to get down on
as perfect
on paper as perfectly accurate.
You would go round wrapped naked in this
and people would excuse their pictures
like I’m sorry! Your stomach
doesn’t look
like that really it’s just my perspective,
I got this leg sorry the wrong knot
and arm how distended button what
I meant to do with your face
I can say
Back for the second half, was wonderful:
responsibility to stay dead
still and all you can do, it’s enforced
meditation, essential
mindfulness
do is stare at that one white spot there on
the wall and deal with staring through pain,
through staring with the pain from your bad
choice of a pose, exposed on
every side
And it wasn’t so much about defense
or what your thoughts were doing at all,
just staring and keeping this one pose
and then being told to change,
and changing