{"id":8742,"date":"2017-11-18T16:53:39","date_gmt":"2017-11-18T15:53:39","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.themanchesterreview.co.uk\/?p=8742"},"modified":"2018-04-15T11:16:34","modified_gmt":"2018-04-15T10:16:34","slug":"rachael-allen-marie-jacotey-nights-of-poor-sleep-reviewed-by-lucy-burns","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.themanchesterreview.co.uk\/?p=8742","title":{"rendered":"Rachael Allen & Marie Jacotey, Nights of Poor Sleep<\/em>, reviewed by Lucy Burns"},"content":{"rendered":"
Rachael Allen, Faber New Poets 9<\/em> (Faber and Faber, \u00a35.00).
\nRachael Allen, Hypochondria<\/em> (If a Leaf Falls Press, \u00a35.00).
\nRachael Allen & Marie Jacotey, Nights of Poor Sleep (Test Centre, \u00a315.00).<\/h5>\n

Allen\u2019s debut pamphlet with Faber New Poets in 2014 nostalgically reimagined a suburban adolescence \u201calways expecting\/ something to happen.\u201d We traipse round the harbour, the village high street, the local dump, waiting for school to start again. <\/p>\n

What\u2019s that light on the horizon, the one we always head to?
\nBus station, flatlands, LED cloud, TEXACO.<\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

I\u2019m glad it wasn\u2019t just me who spent their summer holidays walking to the petrol station or waiting for the bus into town. What\u2019s unique is the way these defining teenage experiences and memories are infused with the new technology of the internet of the early 2000s. The \u201ctrapping net\u201d that settles over the housing estate is as much that feeling that you\u2019d never leave, that this was it, and a sense of these new internet networks that were being mapped onto neighbourhoods. When we found out about MSN Messenger we replaced walking to the Jet garage with sitting on the computer until you got caught by your parents. AOL dial-up, Neopets, Rotten.com, Limewire; for a generation of teenagers, these memories of growing up, going to school, being bored during the holidays, are inseparable from these early experiences on the internet. And the internet of the early 2000s seemed young and messy enough to feel full of potential (for friendships, for learning, for new communities etc). Now the conditions of the internet have changed (and I\u2019m a bit older and more cynical) but for a while it did seem like you could meet anyone ever, find a new, better best friend, or a boyfriend who didn\u2019t go to your school.<\/p>\n

Allen\u2019s pamphlet is punctuated by a series of 4chan poems, after the image board hosting site that launched in 2003, home to the best and worst of internet culture. The categorisations of the boards become a way to sort through some of the confusing, troubling, definitional experiences of teenagehood (experiences which sometimes seemed to be amplified by the internet). \u201cRandom\u201d named after the anarchic \/b\/ board, 4chan\u2019s most notorious export, sets the tone:<\/p>\n

Boxxy you are the home of the anonymous. I liked to read on you all my false news \u2013 it went across your head like The Financial District and how you glowed with it.<\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

The reference here is to manic, emo video sensation, Boxxy<\/a>, whose video for another user on Gaia Online made it onto \/b\/ in 2009 to much celebration\/ridicule. Boxxy\u2019s first video captures the weird possibilities of intimacy during these internet early years (how many Habbo Hotel marriages did I attend?<\/em>) that Allen\u2019s pamphlet seems to tap into, with all that it brings. <\/p>\n

“I told my Gaiaonline buddy friend um uh, ADMIRAL AWESOME, that I would make a video just for him. So I\u2019m doing it, here it is, ADDIE LOVE YOU ARGH HAAH ARGH HAAH ARGH HAAH I LOVE YOU! […] I love you, I love Addie because like he\u2019s really like fun to talk to and stuff and like he\u2019s uh, I met him only like two days ago and we\u2019re like married and it is crazy because we love each other so much. And um ugh we are twinnies like all over the place, it is crazy! His avatar is like a manwhore and I…had a avatar a really long time ago…it was a SLUT AVATAR! […] I don\u2019t know what you look like. And yet here you are, you know what I sound like. You\u2019re a bastard. I\u2019m gonna have to ask you for a picture. […] Now no one will find this funny except for a couple of other people I don\u2019t think, so that\u2019s OK, but you know um…yeah, so, I love Addie, Addiepantsssssaaa…and I know you on Gaia and er you want me to make you a video just say so and I will! Because I probably love you anyway, but attee asked first kinda of…yeah.”<\/em><\/p>\n

Boxxy\u2019s video captures the strangeness of these faux na\u00eff online <333 relationships <333, where you told someone you luffed them without knowing what they looked like (or how old they were). Her tweenager persona (see Catie Wayne<\/a>) represents the unsettling mix of innocence and precociousness (about the internet, and about relationships). <\/p>\n

Maybe once our eyes met through a satellite or something I think maybe that\u2019s too romantic \u2013 how about you give me a picture of a verge of grass and a stream, I\u2019ll show you there we are those tiny dots<\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

First (internet) crushes are ended as quickly as they’re imagined, and Allen has us stuck on \u201cthe encroaching ledge of age,\u201d surveying the prospects for our first sexual experiences, \u201cburn[ing] shag bands on hay bales\u201d and \u201cplaying at adulthood.\u201d These anonymous boards become sites of admission and confession, and we\u2019re rushed through the 4chan poems like we\u2019re not supposed to spent too long here. The board classifications also become access points to return to some of these memories, though there\u2019s a problem in this returning.<\/p>\n

\u201cSexy Beautiful Women\u201d begins with two girls watching a parent\u2019s \u201cunmarked VHSs\u201d with \u201cshop sweets and gluey underarms.\u201d It quickly escalates…\u201ccircus lesbians wrapped themselves around snakes and medieval women ate raw hides of meat.\u201d Innocent enough, I guess, then without pause Allen shifts gear: \u201cand then later Erica Lopez\u2019s cam\u201d \u2013 now we\u2019re watching something else, somewhere else, and we seem to get even older and more discerning, able to trace the exact movie \u201c(Squirting Tease Party Erica<\/em>)\u201d \u2013 a discovery which sends us back to what was first revealed or summoned by the VHS tapes: \u201cit was a glittering, stuttering, throwback to some damp afternoons of slow awakening.\u201d All this without pause, before the poem ends back on the \/s\/ board, which has by this point crowd sourced all of the Ericas: \u201canyway there\u2019s moar\u201d (now we\u2019re quite the connoisseur) \u201cpages and pages of Ericas so many Ericas you may forget that they\u2019re sort of real somewhere in the world in real life.\u201d<\/p>\n

If Allen\u2019s Faber pamphlet is invested in a kind of nostalgia about the internet of the early 2000s (and what it might have seemed to promise), her 2016 pamphlet Hypochondria<\/em> with If a Leaf Falls Press takes its prompts from a different set of online conditions. Hypochondria<\/em> is a single, twelve-page poem that reads like a hypochondriac\u2019s browser history (see \u2018cyberchondria,\u2019<\/a> a term used in 2008 to describe a hypochondria facilitated and exacerbated by the internet). Here the googler plays the medical expert, in complete control of the key word searches (symptoms) and the results (diagnosis).<\/p>\n

White bumps on a thumb heart
\nPale stool from propranolol<\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

Many of us have probably tried to give Google a keyword prompt, like \u201cheart\u201d in this first line, to try to get the result we\u2019re after, like we already know what we\u2019re looking for. It is to do with my heart. Is it to do with my heart?<\/em> Googling these first lines we get results for articles like \u201cHow fingers can show risk of heart disease,\u201d \u201cPictures of What Your Nails Say About Your Health,\u201d and \u201cHidden Heart Disease: 19 Dermatologic Clues You Should Know.\u201d There is a reassuring (but frustrating) feedback loop in the language and diagnoses of these sites. \u201cPale stool from propranolol\u201d brings up a chat board from nomorepanic.co.uk (\u201cSupport is just a click away\u201d) \u2013 a website which claims to provide \u201cvaluable information for sufferers and carers of people with Panic, Anxiety, Phobias and Obsessive Compulsive Disorders.\u201d<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Zig zags on a blue sky
\nSmall lump under collarbone<\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

The reader is asked to make paranoid connections between occurrences in the natural world (clouds? vapour trails? chemtrails?) and the goings on of the body. The searches become increasingly impatient and demanding, and lines are interrupted with key words: \u201cSeroconversion \u2013 how long\u201d…\u201cMagnesium deficiency \u2013 where swells\u201d…\u201cHerpes virus \u2013 how long.\u201d The hypochondriac\u2019s concerns are equally significant and equally serious, and they begin to trigger other symptoms. \u201cPain in left side under ribs\u201d (how many times have you looked up the symptoms of appendicitis?<\/em>) is quickly followed up by \u201cAnxiety and trapped gas common.\u201d<\/p>\n

Cancer statistics under 30
\nWhat does zika virus do<\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

These are the kinds of things we worry about late at night, seeking comfort and assurance in ten year old medical advice in a chat room. And there\u2019s an ordinariness about some of these searches and some of these ways of thinking. But what is really striking about Hypochondria<\/em> is the strange intimacy of the searches \u2013 how revealing they are in terms of what we might be able to glean about whoever\u2019s doing the googling \u2013 and the lasting feeling is a kind of paranoia about how readable (and therefore, valuable) this information is. <\/p>\n

Ocular migraines and the pill
\nMercury count in Tuna fish
\nBPA in plastic bottles
\nProtein present in urine<\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

What could we reasonably assume about the person who googles this? Their gender, sexuality, age, economic background, diet, education? \u2013 That\u2019s before we start on any symptoms. One day this information will be sold to insurance companies and exploited by employers. Somewhere a HR spread sheet will be updated and a personalised advert sent for an eye test after I search \u201cSmall white flash in front of eyes\u201d a few times.<\/p>\n

Allen\u2019s latest book is Nights of Poor Sleep<\/em>, which I saw her read from in October at a new reading series called Murmur<\/a>.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

The book is the product of a two-year project between Allen and Marie Jacotey, a London-based artist whose work in pastel and crayon sits somewhere between the comic strip and the selfie. At the start of the reading Allen explains that she found Jacotey\u2019s art useful for thinking about female desire and sexuality, creating the hyper-sexed, hyper-desired character we see throughout Nights of Poor Sleep<\/em> alongside Jacotey\u2019s illustrations. <\/p>\n

efforts to understand me were lost
\nlike music reverberating under water or a hammock pinged at one end
\nmy safe word couldn\u2019t reach him with his head at my tail
\nspanking me pinkly into the crawl space
\nI wore rose gold rings to impress him
\n(she got there first)
\nthis was outside my character<\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

Jacotey\u2019s images are a mix of landscapes, panels with text captions, and portraits that could be at home in an instagram feed. Some seem like collages, or like they\u2019ve been flattened in some way: posters, photographs, and drawings are taped onto studio walls, sheets of paper are layered on top of each other, billboards block landscapes, picture frames are propped up on the floor. I wish there had been some way of showing Jacotey\u2019s images while Allen was reading, not least to get a sense of their original large scale but to help create the captivating, uncanny universe that Allen\u2019s poems occupy. Allen handled the book during the reading like she had to physically negotiate these images. And at times it seems like the book is asking us to take it apart, like it can\u2019t contain itself. Images cross the centre fold and poems just inch over the page; you\u2019d need to take the staples out to get a complete, unobstructed view. <\/p>\n

I am the girl with chapped cheeks and blue bow
\nwith my breasts taped down
\ndancing silently on my father\u2019s lap
\nof course I wake with a start in the
\nnew bedroom
\npainted blue
\nin a cacophonous pool of blood<\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

We begin with this nightmare, and are led through a series of \u201csweaty nights\u201d stuck somewhere between adolescence and adulthood. \u201cNIGTHS OF POOR SLEEP, PUNCTUATED OF AGITED DREAMS AWAKENING FULL OF DOUBTS,\u201d Jacotey puts it in a caption, like we\u2019re drunk or half asleep. Allen moved quickly through the poems like a voice took over, transporting us between motels, rodeos, and Surrey, through a series of ambiguous relationships with men: boyfriends, strangers, \u201cnight salesmen,\u201d sailors, \u201cthe minor son\/ of a minor Duke.\u201d Some seem like they could be \u2018normal\u2019 relationships: \u2018making love\u2019 and meeting the parents, but in others we see a kind of explosion of her desires: she thinks about taking a group of men home, and elsewhere \u201cgrab[s] one by the throat in a frenzy.\u201d But for the most part it seems like she\u2019s on show, being coerced or manipulated, or going through the motions: \u201cmy own pleasure\/ sustained by\/ years of lying \/ through my teeth.\u201d<\/p>\n

this is just what happened to me
\nI suppose it has happened to many others
\nif you wear pink dungarees
\nat an amiable age<\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

Elsewhere, \u201cnight salesmen\/ throw themselves against the door\/ and I am covered in dread\u201d and we see into a room where a woman is being tied up in the back, taped up with the same tape used to stick a poster to the wall: \u201cyea!!!\u201d it boasts, overenthusiastically. Here Jacotey has us trying doors and interrupting, like the sliding door is about to close on us.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

The paradox is that the girl\u2019s desires and sexuality are felt as both a power and a weakness. She seems to be in absolute control of the men around her, through an awareness (and exploitation) of her body, and the kind of power it seems to have. \u201cI wonder which one I might speak to first?\u201d she asks.<\/p>\n

I make everyone jealous, I know
\nwhen I saunter into the caf\u00e9 two streets away
\nturn left turn left again
\nwhen I walk in the door
\nlipstick on my teeth
\na pair of pants hanging around my arm
\nlittle smacked-on stain
\nno one talks when I walk in
\nand I look everyone in the eye<\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

At the same time, this desire is felt as a kind of burden: an always having to be looked at, always having to be turned on. The girl in Jacotey\u2019s image \u201cSorry but not sorry\u201d has her long sleeve shirt pulled up to reveal her midriff. She stares at us blankly, challenging us to look elsewhere.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

In the living room is a man who loves me more than the last man
\nwho made me feel like I was falling off a cliff
\nand if it feels like you\u2019re falling off a cliff
\nyou just might be<\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

She is \u201cso full of it\u201d that \u201csailors topple off the deck\u201d and \u201cthey just can\u2019t stop looking\/ at me.\u201d This excess of looking\/being looked at manifests as sight loss:<\/p>\n

anyway I go in there sometimes and just fall to my knees
\nlike life is overwhelming when it\u2019s not
\neveryone looks at me
\nI\u2019m having problems with my vision, sort of short lines of blue
\nperhaps becoming blinder<\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

The \u201czig zags on a blue sky\u201d that for the hypochondriac were an external confirmation of their symptoms return in Nights of Poor Sleep<\/em> as \u201can affectation.\u201d The centrefold is structured by Jacotey\u2019s iron bowstring bridge \u2013 on second glance an impossible structure, since the X supports have been supplemented with Y Y Y. YES<\/em> reads the slick in the water below \u2013 confirmation of your wildest dreams. Here the sight loss functions like a kind of defence mechanism:<\/p>\n

my eyes don\u2019t focus completely
\ngiving everything a crescent edge
\nso when I look into the pupil of my lover
\nit has to dilate<\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

Allen\u2019s reading was winding, almost brutal. Hearing these poems aloud you get the full effect of the violence and force of this universe (and of the sharp, devastating wit of this character). I nearly choked when Allen said \u201cpre-ghost\u201d (\u201che was a god in his blood thirst\/ looking out of the window, a pre-ghost\/ I know the look of someone newly murdered\u201d) and I could feel myself bracing when Allen started \u201cRodeo fun on a Sunday\u201d:<\/p>\n

we made love in a net curtain
\nit look me hours to lift the pattern from my thigh
\nit was the only time I wore a blouse
\nand he blew his nose all over it<\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

Like Allen\u2019s suburban neighbourhood and hypochondriac search history, the world on offer here is endlessly intriguing. Get a copy<\/a> before it sells out.<\/p>\n

Lucy Burns<\/h5>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Rachael Allen, Faber New Poets 9 (Faber and Faber, \u00a35.00). Rachael Allen, Hypochondria (If a Leaf Falls Press, \u00a35.00). Rachael Allen & Marie Jacotey, Nights of Poor Sleep (Test Centre, \u00a315.00). Allen\u2019s debut pamphlet with Faber New Poets in 2014 nostalgically reimagined a suburban adolescence \u201calways expecting\/ something to happen.\u201d We traipse round the harbour, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":128,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":[]},"categories":[13,283],"tags":[],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"yoast_head":"\nRachael Allen & Marie Jacotey, Nights of Poor Sleep, reviewed by Lucy Burns - The Manchester Review<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"http:\/\/www.themanchesterreview.co.uk\/?p=8742\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Rachael Allen & Marie Jacotey, Nights of Poor Sleep, reviewed by Lucy Burns - The Manchester Review\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Rachael Allen, Faber New Poets 9 (Faber and Faber, \u00a35.00). 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